Blame.

There is a very thin line between blame & responsibility. .And when you hit your mid twenties, you really need to draw that line. .

We know what we want, but sometimes, we are way too scared to move out of our ‘uncomfortable’ comfort zone. .

Life is full of surprises. Things which made you unhappy a while back, are now your beautiful memories. People who meant everything to you, are no more a part of your life. .There were times when I thought nothing in this world could make me happy again, & then there are times when I feel blessed. .I have no idea what Iam writing right now. All I know is, I have to get it out of my system. .

I had this list which I made long time back. .about the things that will make me happy. .things like traveling to exotic places. Partying till the first ray of light shows up. Doing adventures. Staying away from home so that I’ll have a chance to miss my family (No offense mom & dad, I really love you, a lot, but I do need to stay away for a while).
Taking those many selfies at all those beautiful places that my phone will say “insufficient memory”. Living a life completely different to how it is right now, so that I can appreciate everything I have now. (Not that I don’t appreciate it now, but It has been so monotonous that I ll do anything for a little change). Learning how to bake in Paris. Taking adventure sports to the extent that I can see my end. .Oh my God! So many things & they are still pending. .

I want to live my life on that uncertainty. I want to survive on that adrenaline rush which comes with “now, what next?”. But the sad truth is, I know how my life is going to be. It will be just an extension of what it is now. Living safe. My parents think it’s time for me to settle. What they don’t understand is, it’s already a settled life. I wake up, help mom with chores, Work, play with my pets, eat, a little run or walk may be. What could be more settling then this? Just me staying away from them in another city was a big risk for them. Can’t blame them either. Iam their favourite. Iam the only girl child & Iam youngest. They wanted to give me a better life & they did. They gave me everything. A good education, and what not. What they Dint let me do is, to take risks. Taking stupid decisions & regretting them for the rest of my life. That’s what I think I did owe to myself. .

According to Buddha –
“If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.”
So, here Iam. . Writing this useless post, with a made up mind that Iam not gonna just survive, but iam gonna live. .

I have BLAMED my family, for way too long now. But the truth is, at this age, I can’t. I shouldn’t.
It’s easy to blame. Sometimes, ourselves, sometimes others. After all, it’s easier to blame then stepping out of your uncomfortable ‘comfort zone’. .The truth is, we have to parent us. And it’s not something that we’ll learn overnight. .I’m sure even our parents had no idea before we made an entrance. .But they did learn. So will we. .

Sometimes we don’t realise we are responsible for us till we go through that career setback, that feeling where you aren’t content with yourself, or that exhaustion when you realise that you can not change your family’s opinion, no matter what, or that heartbreak which you once thought you will never recover from. .

And no, Iam not going to run away. Iam going to find a middle ground. Iam responsible for taking care of my wants, desire, dreams, passion, expectations, opinions & feelings. Taking responsibilities for my action is going to be hard. I know I’ll be exhausted. There will be times when I might even question my own decisions and fuck there’s a good chance that I’ll be wrong. .But it’s okay. .I have already spent a long time because of, “what if?”  factor. What if I make a wrong decision & it will Hurt me. What if, I can’t handle the consequences. But life doesn’t come with a crystal ball. .Because it will still be better than living with the regret that I Dint take my chance & definitely better than waiting for someone to come along & make it alright for me. .

At last, all I can say is. .Fighting with others is easy, but fighting with ourselves isn’t. Taking responsibility simply means not focusing on blame. .blame is the past, responsibility is the future. .choose wisely, which path do you wanna walk on?