Blame.

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There is a very thin line between blame & responsibility. .And when you hit your mid twenties, you really need to draw that line. .

We know what we want, but sometimes, we are way too scared to move out of our ‘uncomfortable’ comfort zone. .

Life is full of surprises. Things which made you unhappy a while back, are now your beautiful memories. People who meant everything to you, are no more a part of your life. .There were times when I thought nothing in this world could make me happy again, & then there are times when I feel blessed. .I have no idea what Iam writing right now. All I know is, I have to get it out of my system. .

I had this list which I made long time back. .about the things that will make me happy. .things like traveling to exotic places. Partying till the first ray of light shows up. Doing adventures. Staying away from home so that I’ll have a chance to miss my family (No offense mom & dad, I really love you, a lot, but I do need to stay away for a while).
Taking those many selfies at all those beautiful places that my phone will say “insufficient memory”. Living a life completely different to how it is right now, so that I can appreciate everything I have now. (Not that I don’t appreciate it now, but It has been so monotonous that I ll do anything for a little change). Learning how to bake in Paris. Taking adventure sports to the extent that I can see my end. .Oh my God! So many things & they are still pending. .

I want to live my life on that uncertainty. I want to survive on that adrenaline rush which comes with “now, what next?”. But the sad truth is, I know how my life is going to be. It will be just an extension of what it is now. Living safe. My parents think it’s time for me to settle. What they don’t understand is, it’s already a settled life. I wake up, help mom with chores, Work, play with my pets, eat, a little run or walk may be. What could be more settling then this? Just me staying away from them in another city was a big risk for them. Can’t blame them either. Iam their favourite. Iam the only girl child & Iam youngest. They wanted to give me a better life & they did. They gave me everything. A good education, and what not. What they Dint let me do is, to take risks. Taking stupid decisions & regretting them for the rest of my life. That’s what I think I did owe to myself. .

According to Buddha –
“If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.”
So, here Iam. . Writing this useless post, with a made up mind that Iam not gonna just survive, but iam gonna live. .

I have BLAMED my family, for way too long now. But the truth is, at this age, I can’t. I shouldn’t.
It’s easy to blame. Sometimes, ourselves, sometimes others. After all, it’s easier to blame then stepping out of your uncomfortable ‘comfort zone’. .The truth is, we have to parent us. And it’s not something that we’ll learn overnight. .I’m sure even our parents had no idea before we made an entrance. .But they did learn. So will we. .

Sometimes we don’t realise we are responsible for us till we go through that career setback, that feeling where you aren’t content with yourself, or that exhaustion when you realise that you can not change your family’s opinion, no matter what, or that heartbreak which you once thought you will never recover from. .

And no, Iam not going to run away. Iam going to find a middle ground. Iam responsible for taking care of my wants, desire, dreams, passion, expectations, opinions & feelings. Taking responsibilities for my action is going to be hard. I know I’ll be exhausted. There will be times when I might even question my own decisions and fuck there’s a good chance that I’ll be wrong. .But it’s okay. .I have already spent a long time because of, “what if?”  factor. What if I make a wrong decision & it will Hurt me. What if, I can’t handle the consequences. But life doesn’t come with a crystal ball. .Because it will still be better than living with the regret that I Dint take my chance & definitely better than waiting for someone to come along & make it alright for me. .

At last, all I can say is. .Fighting with others is easy, but fighting with ourselves isn’t. Taking responsibility simply means not focusing on blame. .blame is the past, responsibility is the future. .choose wisely, which path do you wanna walk on?

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118 thoughts on “Blame.

  1. Haha! I knew it was a rant when I posted this. And honestly, I wasn’t even expecting anyone to read it, and I apologise, you went through it πŸ˜… Oh btw, thank you so much for this warm welcome! πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hahaa.. I was able to relate to post/situation.. πŸ™‚ and it reminded me of a movie dialogue/quote Zindagi jeene ke do hi tarike hote hai … ek jo ho raha hai hone do, bardaasht karte jao … ya phir zimmedari uthao usse badalneki.
    To live life there are only two ways … one whatever is happening let it happen, keep tolerating it … or else take the responsibility to change it. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Oh I love that movie man! But again, easier said than done! Crossing that thin line. . That’s all life is all about! It took me a long time to take this stand. . You know I wrote this last year? But then, I wasn’t willing to change anything. Now Iam. So, this post! 😁

    Liked by 2 people

  4. True that.. It is really difficult to come out of the comfort zone.. I am happy that you were able to do it now.. πŸ™‚ As of now, I can relate my self to a fallen leaf at mercy of the blowing wind :D..

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I love this, especially the emotion that comes through when you read it. Life is hard and even harder when living with your parents, mine always say, “while you’re living under my roof, you’ll follow mu rules” but you’re not a kid anymore… And the hardest part is when you do so much for them and they don’t even say something like a simple thank you… Sometimes I wonder how it would be if I actually had a real relationship with my parents but it will never work…because everything turns into a life lesson when you share it with them or you’re just plain wrong, or not responsible… As if they didn’t do those things when they were younger 😢

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Such wise words…sometimes all it takes is a little maturity and time away on our own to really put these things into perspective…the only person I blame nowadays is myself and I have learned to not worry about things that I have no control over and to control the things I can… I enjoyed this piece!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. How badly I want to write, “me too, me too” 😝 the best part is the hard part though, reaching a place where you no longer worry about the things you can’t change! Iam glad you did, hopefully I’ll get there soon πŸ’•

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Patience is part of the process and from what I have read on your blog, you have patience…and you have great insight into yourself, which is the other ingredient for eventually coming to a place where you can say: I no longer worry about that because it is outside of my control :)….I look forward to reading about it when you reach it πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Everyone has their flaws. ‘Over-thinking’ and being a little ‘impulsive’ is mine! Honestly, I just want to be at peace. .hopefully, you’ll see the changes in my coming posts πŸ˜‡πŸ˜Š

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I think you are a very wise girl who just wants to live. I don’t blame you for that at all and neither should you or anyone else. πŸ™‚ You look amazing in your dress and wanting to break free is all part of the process of growing up. I hope you get to do the things you dream of doing. I look forward to reading more of yours πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Bravo, a beautiful, wise post. I completely back your sentiments. Blame is a trap, sucks our energy; responsibility sets us free. Walk your path, with curiosity & resilience.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Very nice post! Me, I live by no regrets! Take those chances, take that step and see where it leads – what do you have to lose? Life is too short not to take chances, not to live, and not to dance like no one is watching. So, you go out there and be yourself, be true to yourself, take chances, listen to “your” inner voice because at the end of the day – it’s not wrong. πŸ™‚ You got this girl and are on your way to bigger and better things. Which, we can’t wait to read about. Cheers hun!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I can tell that your parents raised a very sensible and intelligent daughter. A wise man once reminded me that a ship cannot be steered if it is not moving. I’ve had times that I stayed unmoving for too long and times when I took too big risks. So welcome to the club called Humanity. And thanks for finding my blog. I can see that I will enjoy following yours. J.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Great post! It is a very mature view and a step that requires courage. Just remember, there are no mistakes and just opportunities. You don’t know where your one decision can change something. It might not happen right at this moment or when you want it to, but it will happen at the right time when you need it. You get only one life, don’t let others (including parents and loved ones) make decisions for it. You make your choices and take responsibilities for it. You won’t have any regrets then for sure! Your posts are never useless! It was wonderful!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. You have no idea how much your words meant to me! You’re so right! One decision can change everything! And things will come around the way you want them to be, may be not now! But eventually! All you can do is work towards making things better. .
    Thank you so much Anjali, appreciate & loved your comment ❀

    Like

  16. This is so true: Taking responsibilities for my action is going to be hard. I know I’ll be exhausted. There will be times when I might even question my own decisions and fuck there’s a good chance that I’ll be wrong. .But it’s okay. .I have already spent a long time because of, β€œwhat if?” factor.

    I noticed in a response above you mentioned that you wrote this a little while ago and are posting now because now you are sincerely making the leap (as opposed to getting ready to make the leap). The middle way can be uplifting, liberating, but so often, in part because of the world and the people in that world, and we all being human after all, it can be one trial and tribulation after another. It is easier — or so it seems — to avoid this difficulty, to just play the game, find something anything to distract ourselves from what is right in front of us and what is right in our hearts. Yet, being counter-intuitive to so many, that the path to joy can, and so often, go through a valley of misery and mistakes.

    Bravo for taking the leap, and to take it as should be: a commitment to really live.

    Wonderful post filled with much wisdom and inspiring personal sharing. Peace.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Iam smiling. .when I wrote it last year, it was more of a rant. . It took me a long time to take this step & you have no idea how much this comment means to me. . Such encouragement ❀

    Liked by 1 person

  18. I really like the integrity and rawness of what you write. Really happy to share my name by email πŸ™‚ The Kosmogonic persona / pen-name / alias is quite important to me. Hope you understand πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Another lovely post I find on this site. Yes. Parents fear for their kids. They want security. Security is not enough. The kids have to grow and get into the world. If parents are too protective they will inhibit their kids. I just wrote a post ‘Modernity and old fashion.’ It has some points that converge. Let me say bravo to you for this post. It’s great.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. I guess part of the reason we trend (or rather automatically) blame on something or someone is we love to know the reason, to cause of things and knowing the cause eases off the pain or the suffering (mentally anyway for few moments). Unfortunately, the blame is on the negative side on us i.e. things that we want to run away, reject or get angry toward. These things mix together in one process but if we just able to train to learn the cause as good lesson to avoid future suffering then I think blame will go away.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Hi Reva,

    it has been a long while … to me these thoughts here sound as if you are ok!

    If I break down what you wrote in your post, I come to his point: What you are actually looking for is living the moment. You want to feel the friction between what you are and what life has got to offer. And that is what it means to live, in my eyes. I think you are well prepared to live such a concept in life, basically because you have such a positive and optimistic attitude.

    There is one prerequisite to being able to live the moment. You have got to love an respect yourself. This means that you know who you are, that you know your strengths and weaknesses, what you want and don’t want, what is good and bad. Another way of phrasing it would be, that you have to to have a stand, a point of view, so you can take decisions based on confidence and faith in yourself, in life and in love. I think that is something you have. It seems your family has prepared you for such a step, to live such a life.

    Some time ago I wrote something myself about living the moment. (one of the rare posts where I have not used others words to express my own thoughts) . I definitely is not a masterpiece of literature but I hope it describes what I meant to say, so everybody understands.

    I guess you are at the point in life where you become more and more aware that this life only belongs to you and that it is your own path you need to walk to find fulfillment. You will definitely not be able to find this fulfillment if you take decisions for the purpose of fulfilling the expectations of others.

    Yes, we need to become aware of our own freedom and that we are always responsible for what we are doing. Our own responsibility can never be shared. We should realize that taking decisions that are in line with society, family, friends, colleagues, etc. are not taking away any of our own responsibility nor are they any better because of this circumstance. So if we think the right thing to do is do make an alternative choice to stay true with our own path, then that is what we to to do.

    Jens
    PS. I got your email (and replied) … thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Life is a big wonderful, exciting, frightening, confusing, joyful… experience that no one should miss! Mistakes will happen because they are all just part of the experience of being human! Thanks for sharing these feelings… we all have them and it helps to hear it from others. Enjoy the experience!

    Liked by 1 person

  23. I agree with what you’re saying… something I’ve understood and felt strongly by is that the journey is always the true goal, not the end product. It’s what you learn along the way that allows you to get what you believe.
    “Too many excuses, not enough ‘let’s do this’

    Liked by 1 person

  24. I am so sorry, have been really busy and couldn’t reply back. This comment is the best thing I read today. . In fact, I don’t think anybody would have understood me better. . Thank Jen. . I’ll check my email soon. . God bless & lot of love to you! ❀

    Liked by 1 person

  25. Oh my! πŸ˜€ I am speechless… while reading your post I couldn’t help but relate. It was as if you were reflecting my own thoughts. Each and every word… I could feel it. πŸ™‚

    I have thought about it a lot. For a particular time period I used to blame my parents and get angry with them for not letting me take risks but then when I gave it a thought I realized that their love for me, their instinct of protecting me, their fear of seeing me get hurt was all justified. They are my parents after all. This is what they are gonna do. This is how they know best to keep me safe.

    When you think about things from someone else’s point of view there is no place left for the blame game.

    Then again I am as much responsible. If I want to take a certain risk then I will have to be more strong, smart enough to convince my parents that I am a grown up and can handle things. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  26. Iam so glad I could connect. I wrote this last year. . And it was all ranting. .I think I took hell lot of time to figure things out. . Still figuring though. .
    Keep in touch and happy blogging ❀

    Liked by 1 person

  27. Yeah, I am not the person with the most strongest memory. So, I might not remember coming over and wishing.πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

    Better wish early than not.😝😝

    Like

  28. I understand where you are coming from with the parental situation I somewhat use to blame my family for talking me out of going to college down south but then I realized I only listened because they were supporting my anxieties of leaving home for the first time and not pushing me out of comfort zone looking back I probably would have been ok lol

    Liked by 1 person

  29. This is not a useless post…you are making some really good points. We must take responsibility for our own mistakes and keep trying in life…the journey will be rough sometimes, yet there are so many times that are absolutely incredible. Everyone has to go in the direction they feel is best for them.

    Liked by 1 person

  30. That’s such a great insight! I couldn’t agree more! Loved this line especially, “journey will be rough, but it will also be absolutely incredible.” Thanks much! Happy to connect ❀

    Liked by 1 person

  31. This is well done. Many fail to realize they are accountable for their actions or inactions. We should not give our power away to others, nor should we blame them for our mistakes. Take care, Keith

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  32. A quote from someone somewhere: “Those who blame others, will never be happy.” I know people like this… close people. It hurts when you’re on the receiving end but it’s also sad because you know they can’t help it… too stuck in their ways to change! We all do it. We just have to recognise before we want to do it, and redirect that question first to one’s self. Well, that’s how I do it anyways… lol. Glad you found your way in the end!

    Liked by 1 person

  33. Everyone does if man! Everyone! At some point or other. It’s easy. Iam finding the way, haven’t found it yet. But I did realise that I needed to address the problem before coming up with a solution! Hope things turn out fine for you! Take care πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  34. It takes a lot of emotional maturity to stop playing the blame game. I wish I could go back to that stage, it’s much easier than taking responsibility for your life! lol

    Liked by 1 person

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